More Pictures!

So I have been doing better than even I expected with my project! I find on the days I work are the hardest to remember to snap a picture. On those days sometimes I just snap random pictures when I remember and if that's the only picture I take that day then so be it!

 

This has been fun to document my life, and my day to day with my kids.

 

January 23rd

 

I went to the dentist to get 3 cavities filled. Not fun and I hate the Novocaine shot! Later that night I was trying to get a picture of me and both kids, but neither Max or Ashley would hold still so this was my result: 

 

January 24th

 

Working during RSV season. Nearly every door has one of these signs and staff have to don gowns, gloves, and masks before contact with each patient.

 

This was also the day of the freezing rain storm that hit Utah for the first time in my life time. I was at work when it hit. However, I did get in an accident on the way home. But not because of the weather. A guy pulled out in front of me without looking and I couldn't stop. Minor car damages, but the last thing I wanted after a 12 hour shift.

 

 

January 25th

 

I kept getting asked about this bruise on my face at work It was from that darn Novocaine shot that I already hate. I have been wanting to get a new dentist for a few years. This was the last straw... he's out!

 

 

January 26th

 

Ashleigh fell asleep in my lap with her chubby feet like this. I love these little moments!

 

January 27th

 

We had a huge rain/ice/snow storm that cleared out the inversion. It's weird to not see something like the moon for so long and then when it shows up you think wow I haven't seen the moon (or clear sky) for so long and you sit in awe. This was a picture I took from my driveway before leaving for work to work my Mandatory Extra shift. It would be a crazy day at work!

 

January 28th

 

I ordered some sunglasses for the kids from Children's Place because they were super cheap like $2.50 each. I took lots of pictures trying to get a good one so I made a mini collage (you will be seeing more of these...sometimes I can't just pick 1 picture)

 

January 29th

 

Chris shoveling the driveway/sidewalk. After all the snow we have had this year he really wants a snow blower. He's been a trooper and done it every time so I haven't had to yet!

 

January 30th

 

Season 3 was released and so I bought it! I have all the seasons and it is a great show! I love "period pieces". I get that from my mom.

 

January 31st

 

Ashleigh loves chewing on her hands. I took this while she was laughing at her brother and chewing on her hands. It was after that I realized her middle finger was strategically placed. Oh well it was so cute how she was laughing at him.

 

February 1st

 

My poor sick boy had a rough night. I took this right after he woke up. I think the picture says it all.

 

February 2nd

 

Ashleigh fell asleep and I didn't want to move her in fear of waking her so I just sat next to her on the couch through her entire nap because I just knew if I got up she would wake up and fall off the couch.

 

February 3rd

 

While watching the Superbowl with Dada she kept arching her back and lifting all her limbs. It is so funny! I call it her mission impossible move!

 

February 4th

Ashleigh discovered this Lamaze toy that I had originally got for Max. She loves this thing! It has high contrast black and white, crinkles, has a mirror, a squeaker, and lots of textures. Perfect for a baby!

 

February 5th

 

The day Max is not jumping off the couch is the day I will be extremely worried. He loves jumping from couch to couch.

 

February 6th

 

Max enjoying the basement playing with his ball. Gives him good exercise when you are stuck in doors!

 

Ashleigh watching him

 

 

February 7th

 

I love Ashleigh's chubby thighs!

 

I was trying to get a picture of her new headband and took like a million and she is making a different face in each one!

 

She is so smiley even though she is sick!

My Project 365

A photo a day. For 1 year. I saw a girl on my Facebook that did this and thought how cool would it be to take 365 pictures for an entire year and see how my kids have changed as well as document each day as sort of a journal. So I decided to make it my New Years resolution to try and do this. I did miss one day (January 5th) but I am posting a super cute photo that I took close to that day to honor it :) I'm not giving up yet. I have put the majority of these photos on Instagram and linked a few to Facebook. I sort of feel like the girl that posts too many pictures of her kids, but I do a lot of this for my sisters who live far away so they too can watch my kids grow up.

 

So here is my project so far:

 

January 1st

Low key day with the kids

 

January 2nd 

Max learning how to pedal his bike Aunt Jill gave him

 

January 3rd 

New Jammies from the Children's Place

 

January 4th 

I give Ashleigh lots of Bumbo time because I am so worried her head would be flat like Max's

 

January 5th (honorary picture)

Ashleigh watches Max all the time. She just smiles and laughs at him even if he doesn't give her the time of day. She just loves him!

 

January 6th 

This was the day after a night shift that I worked that Ashleigh screamed the whole night for Chris and refused to take a bottle. We all felt pretty defeated that day without sleep. So we just had a lazy Sunday. I felt this picture of the cat appropriately illustrated how the day was.

 

January 7th

All my hard work pumping. I have quite the stash now and am running out of freezer space!

 

January 8th 

Max playing in a Box. That is all he needs to stay entertained!

 

January 9th 

Ashleigh looking cute in a new outfit from a girl from work

 

January 10th 

We got a new couch for our basement entertainment space!

 

January 11th 

A big winter storm named "Gandolf" dumped snow on northern Utah. But West Jordan didn't get much of it

 

January 12th 

Another Lazy day after a night shift. My mom came and watched the kids so I could get some sleep!

 

January 13th 

My Dad's 60th Birthday. I think Max had more fun blowing out the candles than he did!

 

January 14th 

Close to record low temps! BRRRR

 

January 15th 

How my breaks are spent at work. Pumping.

 

January 16th 

Ashleigh rolls over and gets her arm stuck. Where did it go?

 

January 17th 

Chris got a 60" TV to go with our basement entertainment space. It is so nice to have more then just a bunch of toys down there!

 

January 18th 

Ashleigh is 3 weeks in the pic on the left and 17 weeks in the pic on the right. Crazy how much she has changed in only 3 months time!

 

January 19th

Took right before I went to bed. Ashleigh is still in the bassinet next to me. I love having her so close.

 

January 20th 

Spaghetti and meatballs is Max's new favorite meal!

 

January 21st 

Ashleigh turned 4 months. It ironically is a year to the day that I found out I was pregnant with her. (I know because I was keeping track on my phone) CRAZY!

 

January 22nd 

Chris is sick. So we just had a lazy day and kept warm by the fire!

 

I hope I can keep it up. I started it as sort of my secret project because I didn't know if I would be able to do it since I forgot a day in the first week. But I think I'll keep it up even if I have to have a few honorary pictures. And know that it is made public maybe I will be more dedicated. I know it is something I will cherish forever.

2nd Chances

**Warning** this is a long post mainly about breastfeeding.

OK you have been warned...

I have thought a lot about my experience with having Max. Reflecting on the aftermath of my long induced labor, lack of sleep, problems with breastfeeding, and ultimately my high anxiety and postpartum depression that made it extremely difficult at the beginning of his little life. When he was about 3 months my depression was treated, he was sleeping a little better, and I was no longer experiencing overwhelming anxiety that I started to think about what I would do differently if I was blessed with another child.

When I found out I was pregnant with Ashleigh I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding again. Much to Chris's dismay.

Now you have to understand that with Max he was very challenging to breastfeed. I was given flat nipples that make it impossible for a newborn to latch on to, and Max did not have much patience with me to wait for my letdown. So if I was miraculously able to get him to latch he would immediately pull off and scream at my breast for not giving him what he wanted fast enough. Then he would frantically try to latch again, usually improperly, doing much damage to my already hypersensitive a sore nipples. It was a NIGHTMARE. But I had wanted to breastfeed him so bad and felt like if I was determined enough we would be successful.

So I researched whatever information about breastfeeding I could to try to remedy our issues. I felt overwhelmed all of the time. So overwhelmed that I felt even reaching out to a le leche lactation person would be too much for me. I cried about breastfeeding every time I fed Max...at least 10 times a day. Chris hates when I cry. It was so hard for him to see me going through this. He did his best to comfort me, but he couldn't make it right. He hated that. So I understand why he NEVER wanted me to do it again.

I quit and restarted multiple times. Pumping milk and feeding it to him, then quitting, then starting to pump again because I was engorged. I remember I told Chris that when Max was 7 weeks that I was completely done, but I still pumped 2-3 times a day in secret until he was 9 weeks. I had a hard time letting it go. But I hated it at the same time.

So with Ashleigh I knew I wanted to do things differently. From the Hospital stay to breastfeeding. I went in with the attitude that Hey... I formula fed my first so if breastfeeding sucks as bad as it did the first time than she will be formula fed too. I just went at it with a more relaxed approach. I was going to try, but it would be OK if I wasn't successful. So this is what I did differently that I think helped my experience be more positive. Some was in my control...some wasn't.

Labor -  With Max I went in a 9:00 pm and labored all night including 4 hours of intense back labor with no progression and I was begging for my epidural which I had to wait an additional 45 minutes because of shift change.Then I pushed for 2 hours before ultimately getting an episiotomy and tearing really bad. With Ashleigh my labor was induced as well but I was dilated to 2cm (+) so I didn't have to go in the night before to be induced. Obviously not in my control (Thank you body!) This enabled me to get a full (well somewhat full) nights sleep before laboring all day. My labor was pretty smooth. I was doing Ok and got my epidural when I was dilated to about 6cm. Then 3 hours later I pushed her out in 2.5 pushes with less tearing.

A lot of that was out of my control, just luck of the draw when it comes to labor... but I want to give a background as to why I think I was more successful with breastfeeding. It started with the differences in my labors.

Nipple Shield - I had to use it with both children. But with Max I had never even used one nor was I explained how to properly use one. So it was always very awkward when I would use it with Max until I finally googled it and learned how to properly use one. So I knew and felt more comfortable when I had to use it with Ashleigh.

Hospital Stay- I had a really hard time being separated from Max. Plus I didn't trust the staff to bring him to me when he needed to breastfeed. So he stayed in my room the whole time pretty much. So I got no sleep in the hospital. With Ashleigh, I took an ambien the night I had her and slept a solid 6 hours while the nursery gave him a bottle. I needed that 6 hours. The next night they brought her to me to nurse her and then took her back to the nursery. I felt so much more rested.

Supplemental Nursing System (SNS) - I used this with both children as well. It helps them latch on to the nipple shield and stay latched while you wait for your milk to come in. It is a little tube that you put formula in and you fill the nipple shield so the baby will latch on. With Max... super awkward since I never done it before. With Ashleigh... still awkward, but less since I had experience with it. This gives your baby a reward (milk) for latching on and keeps them sucking to stimulate your milk to come.

Waiting for my "milk to come in" - I waited almost 5 days with Max. My milk came in at 3 days with Ashleigh. I personally believe that this is the reason a lot of mom's quit breastfeeding right away. You feed your newborn, they either get really mad at your breast or suck for what seems like an eternity with no gulps they fall asleep and then 1 hour later they want to feed again. You feel like your baby wants something and your body is not providing it for them. It is very frustrating. So 3 days is hard. 5 days was agonizing.

"The first 1-2 months is hard" - I found this statement to be very true. I knew my nipples would be sore. I had no IDEA that they would have weeping blisters on them. This was a result of Max's poor latch. If you're getting sores USING a nipple shield you don't have a good latch. With Ashleigh I had learned what nipple cream I liked, how to properly use a shield (OK it's not THAT hard, but there are some ways to use it better), and to know that the pain gets better.

 Also, newborns want to nurse FOREVER. At least mine do. I remember that Max would eat for nearly an hour and than want to eat 1 hour 15 minutes later. Round the clock. I was so exhausted. Ashleigh also wanted to nurse for about 50 minutes sometimes but she would go 2 hours in between. And it is like this... for a month. I had told myself that I would give it 6 weeks and then decide what I wanted to do. I remember at about 4 weeks feeling very frustrated that she ate for so long and how long I could really do this. Then suddenly it started to get easier. She was getting bigger and either her or my breast changed but she was eating for 30 minutes a feed at 5 weeks, 20 minutes at 6 weeks and is down to 10-15 minutes now at 8 weeks. So it does get easier.

Personality - Max had not patience with my breasts. Ashleigh did. She would stay latched long enough for her to get milk. Every baby is different. I have a philosophy that unless you have fed my baby with my breasts you can't judge what I do.

Ultimately what it comes down to is my postpartum depression was a HUGE factor in why I quit with Max and I honestly do think it was for the best. I learned so much from my experience with him that I was able to use to be successful with Ashleigh. I am happy things are going better with Ashleigh and want to continue it as long as it is working.

Time is FLYING!

I can't believe Ashleigh is 7 weeks! Time is flying even if I haven't got much sleep. Well I am getting sleep... it's just interrupted.

Things are going well. The adjustment to two kids has been challenging at times, but I am grateful that Ashleigh is a good baby and Max has taken to his sister so well. He does get jealous at times when I am trying to take pictures of her, but other than that he is totally fine with her being here in our lives.

 

The biggest challenge is that Max's sleep schedule has been altered so much I think I may have ruined his sleep for life. It all started with the crawling out of the crib. Then we changed his crib to a toddler bed. Then he would fall out of that. THEN WE MOVED (which changed his bedtime routine). Then he discovered he could get out of bed and wonder the brand new house. Then he started crawling in bed with us...and as a 9 month pregnant lady I allowed it. Then we got him a twin size matress and placed it on the ground. Then his baby sister was born. Then we had to start locking him in his room since he was wondering the house and can reach all sorts of dangerous things. Then he did ok for a few weeks. Then he started waking up again. It started at 6:00 am. Then 5:00. Then 4:30. Then as early as 2:30. Not fun when I am already getting up 2-3 times a night to feed Ashleigh. Then the TIME CHANGED. And it continues. So there is little sleep going on over here. I guess it's just a sacrifice of being a mom. Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon.

 

Anyway.... PICTURES!!

 

Here are a few of my favorites from the past 7 weeks:

 

Siblings

 

Halloween 2012

 

Halloween was good. First time in our new neighborhood. We got a lot more trick or treaters than at the condo! Max didn't trick or treat very long. He had already had a lot of treats from our own bowl. It was also impossible to take pictures of him. These are the best ones after about 30 minutes of effort. Oh well. He's still a cute little bugger. He really enjoyed answering the door for the trick or treaters more.

 

Can't believe how fast time is flying.