Febrile

Max is sick

AGAIN

So is Chris. I feel like the illnesses will just not go away.

It started out with Max getting fevers last Thursday-Saturday. They weren't too high 101 at the most. He also had a little bit of a runny nose. "Teething" we thought.. Then they went away. And all that was left was a runny nose and mild cough.

Then today they came back with a vengeance. He woke up at around 100.6. Not bad I thought, and gave him some Motrin. At noon they were 101.5, gave him some Tylenol. He was a little more fussy, and didn't want his bottle, but otherwise business as usual. Then he went up to 102.7. So I did Motrin again and got a little worried. His fever wouldn't break despite the medications. He went down to 100.4 after the Motrin (about 45 minutes after) then spiked up to 103.6 about 1.5 hours later.

So this is where being a nurse and being a mom gets hard. You would assume that being a nurse I would be like "stick a band aid on it and you'll be alright". Fevers are common and many virus's cause fevers. But this is MY CHILD. And with my knowledge I know that many virus's cause fevers and they just have to run their course. BUT I also know that many other things cause fevers, ear infections, UTI's, abscess's, bacterial infections, pneumonia, and God forbid MENINGITIS or SEPSIS! High fevers can even cause seizures in kids! So maybe being a nurse is to my disadvantage. Maybe if I was naive I wouldn't know the worst case scenario and just believe my baby is just a little sick (which is probably the case). Instead I'm fence sitting here trying to decide if he needs to see a doctor now, or can wait for his "12 month well child checkup" tomorrow.

As I put him to sleep tonight I just held him and rocked him. My normally active-always-on-the-go-never-really-cuddles-unless-he's-almost-asleep boy let me hold him, even though he was awake. As I rocked my feverish bottle refusing child, I sang to him. I sang (I actually hum) all his regular songs, then I started singing all the ones I sang to him all hours of the night when he would not sleep as a newborn. The ones I sang on the floor to him when he finally needed to learn to put himself to sleep in his crib, yet I felt too guilty to let him cry all alone. All those songs brought so many memories back.

I had a moment. I know he is only 13 months, but in the last 13 months I have experienced emotions I never even knew I was capable of. From the most unexplainable blissful joy to the most extreme frustration to the most intense urge to protect to the craziest anxiety to uncontrollable laughter and the deepest depression. Being a parent is hard (and I know it will only get harder). But as I held my little boy just wishing I could take his fever, discomfort, sadness, misery, and any horrible experience he EVER may come across away from him... I knew that being a parent is the most fantastic, amazing, and extremely sacred experience I have the honor of being a part of. In that peaceful moment, when he was finally able to calm and go to sleep, I was his Momma. One of the most important jobs in the world.